Aging is Inevitable, so why not do it joyfully? I read an article recently that made me start to think about aging. I have worked in the senior housing industry for many years but I never really thought about aging that much. People are people of any age, right?
Well, when I turned 70 I went into what I would call “a funk” for about two weeks. It wasn’t a “big “birthday-not one of those numbered ones that feels like a milestone (30 and 50) but nevertheless, it got me thinking about aging. And why did this one hit me so hard ? Day after day I was helping families place their relatives into independent, assisted living, memory care, or even nursing homes. I would hear the daughter, son, or grandchild say “They are getting old. So when asked how old are they? They generally replied 70’s or 80’s (now 90’s) and can’t do things for themselves anymore! What! Well, that’s when I realized that was why I was thinking more and more about aging. I was turning 70 !!
I wasn’t like those family members they were describing! At least not yet!… that wasn’t me !!!
Don’t you remember when we were young growing older felt like we had achieved something? With each passing year, it marked one step closer to adulthood. Adulthood meant freedom and independence to us. I never understood the popular antipathy toward old age then. Stores had mugs and tee-shirts and gag gifts with “Over the Hill”. It was perplexing to me. My grandparents were “old” but they were cool in many ways. They did things but not crusty and out of touch like the geezer jokes and “lying about your age” that I saw on merchandise. It just did not make sense to me at the time. And with so many new products to keep our skin looking young and vitamins to keep us healthy why was I feeling old?
Aging into the 20’s and 30’s
Sometimes friends would comment “We’re so old” and I would reply no “we are so young. ” Yes, many of us were then married and starting to have children of our own.
But why focus on youth that is behind us after all, right at that moment we were the youngest we would ever be !!
And for the most part our 20’s were better than our teenage years.
But then came our 40’s and we began to think a little more about aging in the future. But we’ve all been aging since we were born. Maybe it was because we now had children of our own or were thinking about doing so…and as we look back on our 20’s what had the work hard play hard set us up for in decades ahead ?
Could I have had a healthier body today if I had been kinder to it when I was younger? Would being gentler to myself now …will it give me joy and freedom in the future?
“Aging Gracefully “
To me, this means looking at least three to five years younger than you actually are, while not appearing to do anything to get that way. It also can mean “acting your age” by wearing clothes that are “age-appropriate, “age appropriate” hair and makeup, and doing “age-appropriate activities”. As for me, I have never fit into that pattern. I like doing one or two or more youthful things that don’t seem like you’re trying too hard. Letting people know you’re still in “the game of life!” I guess, I have always been a bit of a rebel I guess. And yes it takes a lot more maintenance these days than in my youth…so ????
An author Heath Havrilesky writes in her essay, ” I think about how growing old gracefully really means either disappearing or sticking around but always lying straight to people’s faces about the strength of your feelings or desires.” Some say “aging gracefully ” entails walking a tightrope between a youth-based society, which tells us that our value declines as we age, or a culture that says nothing is as uncool as desperation to retain something we can’t have. And I say why can’t we? There are all types of ways to stay young…and relevant and we should not be shamed when our efforts to preserve that youth go awry. None of us want to see those wrinkles!
Looking for the Joy in aging
The people who age without thought to their appearance are written off as “having given up” and the ones whose face remains 35 forever thanks to fantastic beauty products or surgery are considered a joke and the only way to be deemed acceptable is to have good genes or to conceal your battles against time underneath a smile. And what about that “beauty sleep ?” Doesn’t that sound exhausting?
What if instead of seeing aging as something to defeat and conquer, we were to embrace what gets better with age like fine wine ages. Let’s work to amplify joy while mitigating the losses of youth! Sure there are both physical and mental challenges that come with aging. But why not view these challenges without judgment and look for joyful ways to navigate through them?
There are some who have given us ways to seek out the joy in aging. Here are a few of those: Seek out the awe moments. Take an “awe walk” focused on your environment. Think about generosity and kindness more than just a simple stole in nature. It has been found that “smile intensity” increased over the 15-minute long, once-a-week, low impact walks and it creates more joy in daily living as we age. Things like listening to nature sounds, bird watching, etc. are things that invoke wonder and awe.
Culture Event Fix
Studies our of Sweden in 1996 found that attending cultural events correlated with increased survival while those that rarely attended cultural events had a higher risk of mortality. One reason given may be that these types of activities increase social connection, and deeper relationships and reinforce feelings of belonging which are positively associated with well-being. The enrichment of your environment with color, art, plants, and other sensorial stimulating elements may be a good investment not just for protecting your mind as you age, but also your JOY!
Stimulate Your Senses
Arakawa ad Gins believed that just as our muscles atrophy if we don’t exercise them, our cognitive diminishes if we don’t stimulate our senses. They looked at our schools, hospitals, cities and their dull interiors and exteriors and imagined that these spaces would make our minds wither. Testing on mice has been associated with Alzheimer’s and dementia. When mice were put in an enriched environment with lots of sensorial stimuli and physical movement it mitigates neurological changes. Yet at this time, we do not know that the understanding of our senses declines with age. Studies show that there is less light in the eyes, the sense of smell, and taste, and hearing also becomes less sharp, enriching the color, art, plants, and other sensorial stimulating elements may be a worthwhile investment not just for protecting your mind but also bring you joy.
Buy Yourself Flowers and Wine
Memory and mood improve when people are given a gift of flowers. This is different from other types of gifts. Although a good Fine Wine might also be a great gift to give yourself too!
Why flowers? The passive stimulation we find in looking at greenery helps to restore our ability to concentrate which might improve memory. Gardening can have mental and physical health benefits for older adults. So whether you buy or grow flowers you are taking a joyful step toward greater well-being in later life.
So why wine ? Red wines are good for your heart health. Wine can be enjoyed for social events, over dinners. for all special occasions. Wine makes anything more relaxing and stress-free.
Exercise on Aging
Exercise is often touted as a way to stay healthy and vibrant at any age. As we get older movement has been shown in studies to increase the size of the hippocampus, a part of the brain that plays a vital role in memory and learning.
In addition to its cognitive effects, the movement itself can be a source of joy. The ability to swim, hike, garden, dance, and play can be conduits to joy well into our older years.
Staying up on Technology
I remember trying to teach my then 80 year old mother how to use email. When I moved her from her home into independent living away from her friend and family I thought that communication would be good for her.
Instead of calling or writing a written note , she could just send an email and know that she wasn’t interrupting anyone with her call. She tried and tried but she struggled to learn and never grasp it. She had given up on learning the new technology long before and the leap to figure out how to use a computer was too great for her.
So to keep her “in the know” and not let her friends or family know she “didn’t get it ” she would write out her messages in long hand and give them to me. I would send using her new email address and when the return came I would print it and take it to her. This went on until her death. None of her friends or distant family ever knew she just couldn’t learn the technology of the computer.
Staying in touch with new technology doesn’t have to be a burden.
Staying in touch with new technology doesn’t have to be a burden. You don’t have to master every new app or tool, but being comfortable with new developments can help you ensure you don’t end up feeling helpless or blindsided when the tech you rely on every day changes. It has been said that each new generation overturns old ways of doing things as a matter of course. It is how we move forward as a society.
Conclusion
Our goal shouldn’t be to cling to youth as we get older. It should be to cling to aging joyfully. Keeping our joy alive by tending to our inter child while nurturing our connection to the changing world. Balancing wisdom with wonder, confidence with curiosity and delight.
Ingrid Fetell Lee wrote The Aesthetic of Joy. Enjoy and Watch her video above.
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